If this isn't news, I don't know what is....

Whew....I think it's Friday. About a week or so since my last post. Oops.

I had no internet connection.

My cat chewed the power cable.

Someone spilled Mountain Dew on my keyboard.

My eye won't stop twitching.

I got locked out of the house on accident.
All week.

I DID write posts. You didn't see them?

We didn't get the thing mailed to the electric company on time (actually that one is kinda true).

Skype video chat has consumed my online-time. Why haven't I been doing this all year? Now I will be able to recognize my relatives when I get home.

I spend the rest of my online-time watching (possibly illegal) bootleg TV. I have a year's worth of shows to catch up on. Give me a break.

I've been away on a 5 day Grecian Cruise and now I have a world-class tan. I'm trying to preserve it by living on the balcony.

I got a job as a German Milkmaid and Ted won't let me back in the house. Something about the smell.

There you have it. Please pick any number of excuses from the above list and, well, excuse me for not writing all week.

Really, though, nothing has happened all week. So I'm going to turn "nothing" into "something." Hold on to your hats. This could get wild.

Okay, Ted told me I'm not supposed to make things up on this blog, because people will believe it. You can go ahead and take your hats off.

Lets see. What's on the newsreel this week? One of the platoons in Ted's company is returning from Iraq very soon. The spouses and families are beyond excited, and I'm very happy for them. It's been a week full of decorating and hanging signs and getting manicures (for them, anyway. But I helped a little!). It's so fun to hear them chat about what they're going to wear (is it too cold for that mini-skirt?), and pretty much everyone has gotten a new hairstyle and washed their cars for the first time all year.

I've been re-discovering a show I watched a couple times back in the States-- The New Adventures of Old Christine. Ted hates it. That leads me to believe a lot of you hate it too. It has Julia Louis-Dreyfus, from Seinfeld, as the main character. At first I thought it was pretty stupid...then I totally identified with Old Christine. Ted reminds me often that it's nothing to be proud of. I'm not proud, but gosh it makes me laugh when she does something stupid that I managed to do last week. If any of you do watch the show, you know why I'm not proud to relate to Christine. She's a total drama queen, very impatient, and everything is always about her (well, at least I know what I have to work on). Here's an example:

Yesterday, I cried at Burger King. It was totally humiliating. I can't believe I'm even sharing this with you. Those of you that have known me for a long time probably aren't very surprised. I'm overly sensitive. I KNOW that. If someone looks at me the wrong way, depending on the day, I just might cry a little. So anyway, on with this embarrassing story. I might edit this whole section out, we'll see. Or I might use it as a test. To see if you'll keep reading after my Burger King admission.

So there I was, at Clothing & Sales (for non-Army people, that is where you can buy uniforms and uniform stuff). I was just walking out, and it was probably 1:50 in the afternoon. I was dreaming about the salad and fruit I would have for lunch as soon as I got home. The problem was, my car was parked in the Burger King parking lot. Without even thinking twice, I walked right past my car and into Burger King. I can't explain it, except that I had missed lunch and when my blood sugar starts to get low, things get crazy. There was a LINE, and instead of going home to my salad, I STOOD IN LINE at Burger King. For a long time. I started to chat with the soldier in front of me, who was very nice. We got through both of our life stories and had started naming off every pet we've ever owned by the time it was our turn at the counter. Right at that moment the cashier plopped a big sign on the counter: CASH ONLY. That was a moment of sheer panic for me. I never carry cash. Somehow a five and three ones magically appeared in my wallet, and I got to order my cheeseburger. I said the same thing I ALWAYS say at Burger King, only instead of the Whopper, I got a JUNIOR whopper (less guilt). I said, "I'll have a junior whopper with cheese, ketchup only. To go." The little lady could hardly reach the buttons on the cash register, and looking back, I think that was the causal factor in this whole dire situation. I handed her my money but then she couldn't get the cash register open to get my change. I decided to be generous and leave my 31 cents. I went over to get my pop, and I looked at the receipt. They always specify on the receipt when it is a ketchup-only burger. There was no specification. They called my number, and I went to the counter and asked, "Is it ketchup only?" The rude kid pointed at the box of ketchup packets and said, snarkily, "There's ketchup right there!"
So I did what I never should have done. I unwrapped my hamburger right there at the counter. Sure enough, there was ketchup, but also mayo, lettuce, and tomato. I told him I couldn't eat this, that I had asked for ketchup only. He looked at the receipt and said, "Well, it doesn't say that." I got uncharacteristically loud, and said, "That's because she wasn't LISTENING!"
Then, before I could even think twice or try to calm myself down, my face got red and tears sprang into my eyes. I have thought about it so many times since yesterday afternoon- why on earth something so trivial would make me cry. I have no answer, and I know it couldn't have been avoided because it just happened so fast. I guess my answer to anger, frustration, and embarrassment is to cry. How embarrassing. Great, now I'm getting a little teary (for those of you that DON'T know me that well, now I'm only kidding...I'm over it. I think).

I started to wrap up my hamburger to just leave, but the guy I had been sharing my life story with earlier decided to come to my defense and stopped me. I think I had managed to conceal the fact that there were tears in my eyes until the Burger King worker asked me what the problem was. So with a shaky voice I had to tell him I asked for ketchup only. He took my hamburger away and I had to stand there an excruciatingly long time with everyone watching me. I managed to get the teary eyes under control, and nothing leaked out. I did finally get my cheeseburger with ketchup only. I can only hope that everyone thought I was pregnant and extra hormonal. Maybe I won't go to Burger King so often anymore.

If you thought it was impossible for a woman to chatter on about a really stupid Burger King story for six paragraphs, you were wrong (I told you, not a lot happening this week).

Now I have to defend myself, lest you think I'm crazy. Ha ha...hee. The "ketchup only" thing may not sound like a big deal to you. A sane person would have just taken her cheeseburger and left. But I HATE mayo. I have had to scrape off mayo, sacrificing probably ten french fries in the process, many times. Even then, it's not good enough, because mayo soaks into the bun. So I'm stuck with half a bun and ten fewer french fries. I was HUNGRY. I needed BOTH buns (it was only a JUNIOR cheeseburger, for pete's sake!). My blood sugar was low. Things got crazy. I warned you!

Now that we've all had our chuckle for today at my expense (see what I'm willing to do for you people?), lets move on. Lets have a chuckle at someone else's expense.

Here at the Knust household, we have something called rouladins. I'll try to take a picture in a minute, but basically rouladins are metal blinds that are affixed to the outside of the house. When you shut them, it blocks out all light. We have lived in this house for a year now, and every night I have shut the rouladins in the bedroom and bathroom. I just have this fear of strangers seeing me in various stages of undress. I know, crazy, right?

The other night we were getting ready for bed, and Ted decided that he was going to make a stand. Boy, did he. I did not know someone could have such strong feelings about metal blinds. He was dead serious, so I was trying not to laugh, but my gosh it was funny ( I hope he sees the humor now and doesn't think I'm making fun of him....I'm not, honey...I love you!). It turns out that all this time, Ted would have preferred to sleep with the rouladins OPEN. He says he can't wake up in the morning without the daylight coming in. I didn't think it was appropriate to point out that it is very, very dark when his alarm goes off. I'm just along for the ride.

So, this week, we've been sleeping with the rouladins open. It is doable! The street light makes it SEEM like daylight at 5 in the morning (and at 10 pm, but I just roll the other way), so all is well. It's the small victories in marriage (I don't mean that- we're a win-win couple). I've found that I really don't mind. Next time Ted goes away I might not even have to plug in the nightlight.

SPEAKING of lights, and Christmas, I went to my friend Tracy's house last night. She could be the next Martha Stewart, with her trimmed tree and ribbon-wrapped door handles. It totally inspired me. I bought a strand of 230 volt Christmas lights and strung them around the door to the balcony. It was lovely, just lovely. When Ted got home from work at 11:20 pm (after leaving for work at 4:40am--this man deserves every cent of that raise he got!), he thought I looked just like an angel, lying there in the glow of soft white Christmas lights (okay, I made that up). We went to bed (with the rouladins UP) and not 2 minutes later there was the sound of machine-gun fire from somewhere in the house. I told him it was just the shower and to go back to sleep (yes, he can fall asleep in two minutes- the man is amazing). It wasn't the shower. I don't know why I even thought that. Several times a day I just can't explain my thoughts. It turns out the machine gun was my Good Housekeeping-worthy attempt at decorating for Christmas, ripping off the ceiling piece by piece (thanks for nothing, 3M). That's a sad little sight to wake up to. I fixed that problem before breakfast. With duct tape. It's redneck-fabulous. I don't even care. I'm still thinking of calling Good Housekeeping.

These are rouladins. I'm just guessing on the spelling.

You pull them up and down with this strappy thing.
See? You learned something today.

"Hello.....Good Housekeeping?"
You can't see the tape in the dark.